Everything you need to know about potty training boys

"He's potty-trained, right?" As a mother of a nearly 3-year-old boy, I've been getting this question for well over a year. The answer, unfortunately, is still, "Not quite yet!"

I had high hopes at his 2-year well child visit, as our pediatrician grinned and told us to just put him outside naked for the summer. I bought a dozen pairs of Bluey underwear and prepared to say goodbye to diapers forever. A week later, I admitted defeat and called a carpet cleaner.

After researching all the signs of readiness (more on that below), I realized my son wasn't physically or cognitively prepared to start potty training. This was a hard pill to swallow, given that my daughter was trained at 2 and I figured he would follow the same pattern.

In fact, research has shownOpens a new window that boys can have a six-month delay in potty training compared to girls, though this varies for each individual child.

It's been six months since our potty training fail and I'm ready to start again, especially now that I'm armed with tips and tricks from the experts. (Who knew boys learn to pee sitting down first?)

Read on to find out when your boy may be ready for potty training, the best methods, and how to handle accidents.

When's the best time to start potty training boys?

Boys and girls alike are typically most ready to potty train between 18 and 30 months old, but you might have heard that boys can take a bit longer to get the hang of things.

Teaching your son how to use the potty requires a reasonable degree of cooperation and motivation from him, plus time and patience from you. The key to potty training success is starting when your son is interested, willing, and physically able. The answer to the question of when to potty train boys is individual, and watching your own child for signs of readiness matters.

Although some kids are ready to potty train as young as 18 months, others may not be prepared to learn until well past their third birthday. When parents begin potty training too soon, the process is likely to take longer. In other words, you'll arrive at your destination at the same time, no matter when you start.

We have an extensive readiness checklist to help you decide if your son is ready to potty train, but here are the most common signs that your toddler is ready to start the process:

• Stays dry for at least two hours at a time and when he does urinate, it's a large amount
• Can follow simple instructions, including walking to the bathroom and pulling down his pants
• Shows an interest in the potty itself and the bathroom habits of others
• Grunts or squats when having a bowel movement, or even tells you that he's going
• Has words for pee and poop

"Patience is key!" says BabyCenter Community member LesiBish. "I tried to potty train my son at 2 1/2 years old but he just wasn't ready. Literally the week after he turned 3 I started again and the first day he went pee and poop in the toilet. He never wanted a diaper again! Three months in and only one accident so far. He tells me every single time. He was definitely ready. I realized it wasn't on my time, it was on his."

Once you've determined that your son is ready to start potty training, focus on timing. Stress or big life changes, like a new sibling or a move, may make potty training slightly more difficult.

Be sure your child's daily and overnight routine is well established. Wait until he seems open to new ideas, so you can potty train successfully.

How to potty train a boy

Like potty training any child, the experience can be trying, last longer than you hoped, and come with its fair share of ups, downs, and accidents. This is all normal, and it's not reflective at all on your ability to potty train your child.

Whether you choose to take a short and intense potty training approach, like the three-day no-pants method, or ease into a more gradual transition from diapers to training pants to underwear, patience and flexibility are must-haves.

Here are some tips to help as you potty train your boy:

Create awareness

"As soon as your child seems to be aware that they are pooping in their diaper, simply start by connecting the act of pooping with words," says Liz Donner, M.D., a pediatric hospitalist and member of the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board. "For example, if you see your toddler pausing, straining, or secluding themselves in a corner to pass stool, use language such as, 'Are you pooping? Great job!' This will link the words with the action of passing stool.

"You can even teach them the concept of where poop goes by taking off the dirty diaper and flushing it down the toilet together while clapping or singing a little 'poop goes in the potty' song. The key is to make it fun and low-pressure."

Let him watch and learn

Toddlers learn by imitation, and watching you use the bathroom is a natural first step on their own potty training journey. Your little one may notice that Daddy uses the potty differently than Mommy does, which creates a great opportunity for you to explain the basic mechanics of how boys use the bathroom.

Be anatomically precise when talking about body parts. Teaching your son to call his penis a "pee-pee" if you don't use a silly name for any other body part may imply that his genitals are embarrassing.

Have the right potty-training gear

When your child is sitting on the potty, it's important he's able to lean slightly forward with his feet on the ground, especially when he's having a bowel movement.

Most experts advise buying a child-size potty, which your toddler can claim as his own, and it'll feel more secure than sitting on a full-size toilet. (Many toddlers are afraid of falling into the toilet, and their anxiety can interfere with potty training.)

If you prefer to buy an adapter seat for your regular toilet, make sure it's comfortable and attaches securely. Also, get a stool for your son so he can easily get on and off the potty any time he needs to go and also stabilize himself with his feet.

When buying a potty, look for one without a urine guard (or with a removable one). Although they may protect your bathroom from a little stray pee, they also tend to scrape a boy's penis when he sits down on the potty, which could hurt and make him not want to use it.

You could also show your son related picture books or videos to try to help him to grasp all this new information.

Help your boy get comfortable with the potty

Let your child get used to the idea of using the potty. Start by telling him that the potty is his very own. You can personalize it by writing his name on it or letting him decorate it with stickers. Then have him try sitting on it with his clothes on.

"The perfect time to practice sitting on the potty is when Mom or Dad is using the restroom," suggests Dr. Donner. While you're washing your face or brushing your teeth, let him just hang out and get accustomed to sitting on the potty, even if the lid is down.

Patience is key! ... I realized it wasn't on my time, it was on his.

- BabyCenter Community member LesiBish

After he's practiced this way for a week or so, suggest that he try it out with his pants down. If he seems at all resistant, avoid the temptation to pressure him. That will only set up a power struggle that could derail the entire process.

If your child has a favorite doll or stuffed animal, use it for potty demonstrations. Most children enjoy watching their toy go through the motions, and your child may learn more this way than from you telling him what to do. Some parents even construct a makeshift toilet for the doll or stuffed animal. While your child is perched on his potty, his toy can be sitting on one of its own.

Teach him to sit first, then stand

Bowel movements and urine often come at the same time, so it makes sense to have your son sit down on the potty to poop and pee at first. That way, he learns that both go in the potty.

He also won't get distracted by the fun of spraying and learning to aim when you need him to concentrate on mastering the basic procedure at first.

Avoid letting him sit on the toilet for too long (15 minutes is plenty) or getting sidetracked by other activities.

"One of the best times to place your toddler on the potty is 10 to 20 minutes after meals," Dr. Donner says. "Kids tend to poop after they eat, so use it to your advantage. If they happen to poop in the potty, give them praise and encouragement. Keep it casual and low-pressure."

Once your son is comfortable going to the bathroom sitting down, he can try standing up. (Though there's no reason to rush this – he can continue to pee sitting down for as long as he likes.) If he seems reluctant, try putting a few pieces of O-shaped cereal in the potty for target practice. Expect to clean up a few messes as your son perfects his aim.

"When I potty trained my oldest, I used to toss a Froot Loop in the toilet and tell him to pee on it," says BabyCenter Community member JFox1205. "It worked. He was 2 1/2."

Celebrate triumphs

Your son will undoubtedly have a few accidents, but eventually, he'll enjoy the accomplishment of getting something in the potty. Celebrate this moment with fanfare.

Reinforce the idea that he's reached a significant milestone by rewarding him with a "big kid" privilege, such as watching a new video or staying a little longer at the playground next time.

Try not to make a big deal out of every trip to the potty, though, or your child may start to feel nervous and self-conscious from all the attention.

Set up a potty-training schedule

Getting your toddler out of diapers depends on your daily schedule and whether your son is in daycare or preschool. If he is, you'll want to coordinate your strategy with his care provider or teacher.

You'll have to decide whether to alternate between diapers and underpants, or just make the switch to underwear full time. Disposable training pants are convenient, but many experts and parents find it's best to transition right into underwear or cotton training pants, both of which enable your son to feel when he's wet right away. (Of course, that means you'll likely be cleaning up some accidents.)

When making your decision, consider what's best for you and your son. His healthcare provider may recommend one method or the other. For a while, continue using diapers or disposable pants at night and when you're out and about. Your daycare provider or preschool teacher may have their own opinion on when to switch to underpants at school, which is a conversation you can have with them to ensure you're aligned on expectations.

More tips for potty training boys

Potty training doesn't have to be a drudgery – it can actually make for a fun and enjoyable bonding experience. It can be both an exciting time for your son, and also for you (the end of diaper changing is near!) with the right perspective.

Motivate him with cool underwear

Get your son focused on the benefits of being potty trained by taking him on a special errand to buy big boy underwear. Let him know that he gets to choose whatever kind he wants (with animal or train patterns, briefs or boxers, whatever appeals to him).

Talk up the outing ahead of time so he gets excited about being old enough to use the potty and wear "real" underwear. If he seems a little hesitant to put them on, see if he'll wear them over his diaper. Once he gets used to them, he may insist on ditching the disposables.

The key is to make it fun and low-pressure.

- Dr. Liz Donner, pediatrician

Give him some naked time

Nothing helps your toddler figure out when he needs to go like letting him spend some time nude. Put the potty in an accessible area while he plays, and encourage him to sit on it at regular intervals. (Of course, if your son is going to play naked, be prepared for the floor to get wet. Have your child play in an area that won't be damaged by a little wetness.)

Watch for signs that he has to go – like clutching himself or jumping up and down in place – and use these cues to suggest that it might be potty time. You can do this on several consecutive days, in the evenings when the family is all together, or just on weekends. The more time your child spends out of diapers, the faster he'll learn.

Use props to make potty training fun

If you approach potty training with a little pizzazz, your child will be more likely to stay motivated.

Drip some blue food coloring into the potty. Your child will be amazed at how he can turn the water green. Put several of his favorite books in the magazine rack next to the toilet so he can look at them whenever he has to go. Or better yet, read to him (if it's not a distraction). Maybe he'd like to cut out shapes from toilet paper to use for target practice.

If your child starts to lose interest but is well into potty training, consider offering potty training rewards. Using stickers and charts to keep track of his successes is one popular method. Every time he goes to the potty, he gets a sticker that he can paste onto the page. Watching the stickers accumulate will keep him inspired.

If the stickers themselves aren't enough of a thrill, you can offer an additional reward, like a toy or new book, when he earns enough stickers or stays dry for a certain number of days in a row.

When to start nighttime potty training for boys

Once your son stays dry all day, you can start formulating a game plan for nights. Wait until he's reliably using the potty during the daytime, then start checking his diapers in the mornings and after naps to see if they're dry. Many children start staying dry during their afternoon naps within six months of learning to use the potty.

Nighttime training takes longer because it depends mostly on whether his body can hold the urine for an extended period of time. It can take months or years before your child's body is mature enough to stay dry at night, and this is perfectly normal.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 15% of 5- to 7-year-olds wet the bed. Talk to your healthcare provider if you think bedwetting might be a symptom of a medical condition for your son, or if you're concerned with how long it's lasting.

If your son wants to try sleeping without diapers, go ahead and let him. If a few nights of this experiment show he's not ready, put him back in diapers in a nonjudgmental way. Tell him that his body is not quite ready for this next step, and reassure him that he'll soon be big enough to try again.

If your child stays dry three out of five nights, it's probably okay to make your official policy "all underwear, all the time." Support his attempts to stay dry by limiting how much he drinks after 5 p.m. and getting him up for a final trip to the bathroom before you go to bed.

If your child takes longer to stay dry at night, don't worry – nighttime accidents and bed-wetting are considered normal until well into the grade-school years.

What happens if potty training isn't working?

As with any other skill, the more your son uses the potty, the better he'll be at it. There are some things you can do to make it easier for him, and potty training problem-solving approaches you can try.

Dress your child in loose-fitting clothes that he can easily take off himself, or buy underpants a size too big. If he still has trouble with potty training, don't overreact or punish him. Nothing can disrupt potty training faster than making a child feel bad for having an accident.

If you feel frustrated, remind yourself that scolding your child for wetting his pants might mean months of diapers ahead. It's important to remember that potty training is not so different from learning how to ride a bike, and accidents are an inevitable part of the process. Even children who have used the toilet successfully for months occasionally have an accident when they're engrossed in an activity.

"If you suspect that your toddler may be constipated – signs include hard, dry, large or pellet-like stools that are difficult to pass – make sure to address it quickly with increased dietary fiber, water intake, and physical activity," Dr. Donner says. "This will lessen the chances of painful stools, holding behaviors, accidents, and toilet trauma."

And if you don't sense much progress or if you or your child are becoming frustrated, it's perfectly fine to take a break from potty training and try again in a few weeks.

Learn more:

• Potty training tips for girls
• What to do if your toddler refuses to potty train
• 10 tips for potty training success

Alexandra Frost contributed to this article.