When to have a baby shower – and everything else you need to know

Like bachelorette weekends and birthday parties, baby showers have become a bit of an "anything goes" affair. While there are traditional standards for who should host and pay, parents pretty much get to do what they want. Gone are the days of exact timelines and formal invitations.

Want to plan your own shower? Want to have it after your baby is born? Want multiple showers for loved ones who live in different areas? Go for it! Modern rules dictate that there are no rules – just gentle suggestions.

We tapped into our BabyCenter Community for some opinions on when to have the shower, coed showers vs. women-only parties, and whether it's appropriate to have a shower for your second baby.

When should you have your baby shower?

There's no hard and fast rule, but many baby showers happen one or two months before the baby's due date. Throwing the shower sooner is fine, too; maybe there are scheduling constraints or concerns about the baby arriving early, for example.

• "My firstborn is a February baby. We had our shower with her right before Thanksgiving. It worked out wonderfully. I wasn't too pregnant yet, and it was right before the hustle and bustle of the holidays." – MiracleMama4
• "I'll be 26 weeks and 29 weeks (I'm from a different state, so I'm having two showers). I wanted them early since I'm high-risk and didn't want my baby coming prior to the shower." – FoxDragon

If it's best for cultural or logistical reasons to throw a shower after the baby's here, no problem. (In some cultures, it's considered bad luck to celebrate a baby or buy gifts before the baby arrives.) The point is to celebrate the addition of the baby to the family and to shower the parents-to-be with love and support – and some of the stuff they'll need.

When scheduling the party, first talk to the parents-to-be and settle on a date and time that will work for them. You may also need to work around the schedule of any VIP guests, like the baby's grandparents.

• "I'm due May 3 and having a family shower on March 23 and a co-ed friends one on April 6. I wondered if I was doing mine too early, but figured I should give myself plenty of time to get organized after the shower and pick up anything I still need without feeling rushed if I'm moving super slowly." – MeridithP

Once the shower date is set, the guest or guests of honor should create a baby registry (if they're planning to use one) at least a couple of months before the party. Figuring out what to put on a baby registry can take a while. And it's a good idea to give guests several weeks to shop for a gift.

Who should plan and host the baby shower?

It used to be considered bad manners for a family member to throw a shower because it might seem like you're asking for gifts. But these days, just about anything goes. Any relative, close friend, or close co-worker should feel perfectly okay about planning a baby shower.

Some people even have multiple showers if they have friends and family in separate locations. If you're lucky, you may get aunts offering to throw you a shower in your hometown and friends offering to throw one where you live now.

• "I had a shower for my first, and my mom offered to host. I said, 'This is my nursery theme' and she handled everything from there. Had a cousin create the invitations; she and my ex-MIL made the guest list. I asked for some friends. She booked the place; she, ex-MIL, and an aunt on each side made the decorations. Ex-MIL ordered the food. Mom ordered the cupcakes." – AllisonAgain
• "My close group of girl friends and MIL are collaborating on the event and the details are going to be a surprise. They told me the colors (sage green, gold, tan, white) so that I could plan my outfit accordingly. I'm typically the hostess/party planner friend in my group, so it's been nice to step back and relax on this one. Can't wait to see what they come up with." – GeminiMom2025

It's totally acceptable to throw one yourself or your husband to do it as well. Likely nobody will know who is hosting or not.

- BabyCenter Community member 23bunny

Should you give the baby shower host a gift?

Yes. If someone is throwing you a party, it's polite to get them a small host gift. This goes for baby showers, birthday parties, bridal showers, etc. It doesn't have to be extravagant, just something that shows you appreciate the time, energy, and money they've put into hosting this event for you.

• "I would do things similar to bridal shower gifts. A bag with their initials, flowers, a bottle of wine, a personalized card, and those kinds of things." – Peacockprincess
• "I got her a gift certificate to a salon she likes!" –Linaldawen
• "I had two hostesses for my last shower. I went to Bath & Body Works and bought several things in the same scent that were on sale. It turned out to be a one-wick candle, body lotion, and shower steamers… It makes a great 'thank you' gift without breaking the bank." – BEK1184

Can you throw your own baby shower?

Emily Post might not approve, but more and more people are throwing their own baby showers. This is a completely acceptable option if those in your life aren't in a place to host or you simply want to be in control of the party yourself.

• "It's totally acceptable to throw one yourself or your husband to do it as well. Likely nobody will know who is hosting or not. The modern split family, relationship issues, distance, and current financial dynamics can make the old ways more complicated, so it's acceptable to make a change." – 23bunny
• "Threw our own baby shower for our first… I did all the planning and games myself. Got so many compliments that it was the funnest, most well put-together baby shower." – Nicole13c

Who pays for the baby shower?

Traditionally, whoever hosts the shower should be the one footing the bill. That said, multiple people (aunts, a group of friends, etc.) can host the shower together and split the cost. If you throw your own shower, you're on the hook to pay for it (unless people offer to help).

• "I planned the shower and paid for the venue. The people that wanted to help took the plans and paid for the rest. I highly recommend letting people pay for things if they offer. We were out $500 by the end, which isn't bad at all. The shower is to help save money on buying baby things, but if you spend more money on the shower, it doesn't help you as much." – Jdawg16

Who should you invite to the shower?

If you're hosting the shower for a close friend, you may have some ideas about the guest list already. It's best to consult with the guest (or guests) of honor before finalizing your list, though. That way, you won't accidentally leave out someone important – or invite someone they would rather not include.

If the parents-to-be have close friends and family who live far away and can't make it to the shower, consider setting up a time during the event when they can be included through a video call. Make sure they get an invitation with all the details.

Virtual baby showers have become more popular and are a nice way to include far-flung friends and family members.

• "I don't have family or friends nearby. My aunt is talking about throwing me a virtual baby shower and my mother-in-law might help with that. I'll just be glad when I can start getting the nursery together." – InTheRoseGarden

Do dads go to baby showers?

Although many baby showers still follow the "women only" tradition, coed baby showers are also popular. Some dads even have their own separate baby shower. It all depends on what sort of gathering the expectant parents prefer.

• "My husband and I are throwing our own shower, coed. He and I both want him to be included in as much of 'everything baby' as possible. We are renting a small local bookstore to host our shower, so we will be doing a book theme. We're trying to keep it as simple as possible while also celebrating our little bundle of joy!" – Lyssaelzina
• "What I want to do is a 'Diapers and Drinks' [party] for my husband. I feel like he deserves a celebration and to be showered in love. He's worked so incredibly hard on getting the house ready for the baby." – Flowerxx

My husband and I are throwing our own shower, coed. He and I both want him to be included in as much of 'everything baby' as possible.

- BabyCenter Community member Lyssaelzina

When should you send out shower invitations?

Send invitations early enough to give the guests at least three weeks' notice: That way everyone has enough time to put the shower on their calendar and shop for the perfect gift.

• "Good to have them out at least 1 to 2 months before, closer to 2 months if you have people out of state possibly coming." – Zombae98

You can send invitations by mail or email, or by scheduling an event on social media.

• "I'm having [my shower] on March 2, right at 30 weeks. I bought a template off Etsy and am editing it through Canva. Haven't decided whether or not my mom will send out physical invites or if I'm just going to text/message everyone." – JenJ627

In addition to all the basic information (who, what, where, when, and RSVP instructions), it never hurts to let people know the theme of the shower if there is one. If the expectant parents are registered anywhere for baby gear, it's fine to mention that too. (Or you can give guests the registry information when they RSVP.)

What do you do at a baby shower?

As you're planning for the shower, make sure to check out our list of dozens of fun baby shower games. These range from simple to elaborate, and will help you and your guests laugh, bond, and make memories.

Here are some other things to consider for the baby shower:

• You may want to choose a theme to tie everything together. It's not necessary, but it can help you make decisions about elements of the party, and it's often fun for guests.
• Plan to serve some type of food and refreshment, depending on the time of day, your budget, and how fancy (or informal) the shower will be.
• Some people like to play fun or silly baby shower games, but there are plenty of other festive activities to keep guests entertained.
• It's customary to give favors to everyone who attends the baby shower. Or you can offer prizes to the guests who win games instead.

"I really hate shower games, so we tried to keep them simple at my shower. My favorite was 'guess baby's name.' We had a jar at the entrance of the shower with slips of paper and asked everyone to guess what we are naming our daughter. We are keeping it a secret, so we said if someone guessed it we would send them a gift card when she is born. We are also about 90% set on the name but still open to suggestions so it was a great way to get some ideas. Ultimately, nobody guessed the name, but it started a lot of fun conversations about what people thought we might name her!" – Coyle22

Aside from socializing and honoring the parents-to-be, the main event at a baby shower is often opening the gifts. If there's no registry and guests need help figuring out what to bring, have them check out these baby registry gift ideas.

Ultimately, how you plan a baby shower and what you do is less important than showing the parent- or parents-to-be how much you love and care about them. Focus on what will make them happy, and you can't go wrong.

Is it okay to throw a baby shower for a second child?

Showers for a second or subsequent baby have become more common and are considered appropriate.

Parents whose children have a large age gap may be especially appreciative, because they may not have held on to their old baby clothes and gear. (Plus, some gear – like car seats – can become dangerously outdated.)

There's always reason to celebrate a new baby, whether it's a large or small affair. For parents who prefer a smaller event the next time around, consider throwing a "baby sprinkle," which is a scaled-down version of a full shower.

The gathering could be an afternoon picnic or a simple pancake breakfast, with or without games. There may be only a small registry or no registry at all.

• "We're having another boy, so we have like 95-98% of what we need and definitely won't have a shower… I might have some sort of a 'celebrating pregnancy' or 'welcome baby, no gifts please' gathering at some point, if anyone offers to host a shower, but honestly, probably not. It's just too much bother." – Specks8
• "I feel it's more common [to have] additional showers if it's been a few years since the last [baby]. Otherwise it's more of a 'sprinkle,' where it's less people and you typically get diapers, wipes, and gender-specific clothes, if you find out gender. Most people hold on to big ticket items." – Mik93
• "I'm Mexican and we celebrate each child. I've never heard about doing it just for your first. I don't think there's anything inappropriate about it. Essentially you're celebrating the future of your new baby with your family. Do it!" – angiemota85

What's a sip-and-see?

Sip-and-sees, parties given after the baby is born, can be a great alternative (or addition) to a shower. Named thus because guests typically sip beverages while seeing the new baby, these gatherings are an excellent option if you have family that is far away.

This way, you can travel to them with your newborn and everyone gets to fawn over the baby, or they can make the trip to greet your newly nesting family.

• "We did a sip-and-see instead of a baby shower for my first! Honestly, I enjoyed it so much. I got great pictures with my daughter and friends and family. We were really careful about guests around the baby (had about 80 guests). We put a hand sanitizer and mask station at the front door and had hand sanitizer all around the house. We also kept the baby in a bassinet so she wasn't picked up. Most people were very respectful and wanted us to hold the baby and take pictures with us holding her instead of them." – Sanahmed523

Sip-and-sees are also a good idea for moms who are having particularly tough pregnancies. Not everyone wants to have a party when they don't feel good! A sip-and-see gives mom a chance to celebrate their baby and the end of those rough pregnancy days.

• "I would like to do a sprinkle or a sip-and-see after this baby is born just because it's been a hard pregnancy and I've had some difficulty getting into 'baby mode' for a variety of reasons." – beeteys

The only drawback to sip-and-sees is that you won't get to stock up on registry gifts before the baby is born – bummer, right? Instead, you can ask for clothes in larger sizes or age-appropriate toys. Trust us: You will continue to need many things for years to come!

You can also choose to not have a baby shower at all, if you want to do things a little differently – pre-push parties and nesting parties are both fun ways to prepare for your baby without doing all the traditional baby shower stuff. Ultimately, how to celebrate your baby's arrival is completely up to you.